Marriage is hard.
Because you know someone so well that you know all the right things to say. You know what will make them happiest and what will defeat them. So then, once you know that person, it's a conscious decision whether or not you're going to do the right thing or the wrong thing. If I know without a doubt that the one thing that will make my husband happiest would be to get up right now and wash dishes, then why am I not doing it? Because I don't want to? Because I'm tired? Whatever the reason, I am consciously making the choice to do something that makes ME happy instead of making HIM happy. So it's hard.
Is the guilt I feel when I realize I've spent the whole day not doing things to make Matthew's life better justified? I don't know. Maybe. Should every choice I make in life be made as a spouse instead of as an individual? Probably. Since I am a spouse, after all, and I did make that decision, actively and joyously about a year and a half ago. Because I'll have me for the rest of my life no matter what happens along the way. I'll always, at least, understand my own motives and what makes me happy. But a marriage is a living, growing thing that will start to wilt if we start to ignore it. And take it for granted as something that will always be there. If I want it to always be there, I need to be ready to consciously choose Wife Decision over Individual Decision.
So I guess what that means is I've got to put the laptop down and wash some dishes.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Gently!
No time for a real post, but I'm placing this gem here for posterity. Anyone, I mean anyone, who clicks on the Internets for things to make them giggle, should check out
www.harkavagrant.com
and you can thank me later.
www.harkavagrant.com
and you can thank me later.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Weekend Recap
The kids have left me for the afternoon [:(], and Matthew is at work until 8 PM, so here is the upshot of my weekend:
The dogs: have gone back to normal, praise the Lord. They have an appointment to discuss the future of their babymaking abilities, and in the meantime, we're playing it safe and locking them up separately at night.
The Princess Bride: has been on somewhat of a constant loop since we purchased it via Amazon Instant Video last night. It's on right now. I'm working on memorizing THE WHOLE THING weofuiaorigjao.
The Shrinkage of Space: is pretty high on the list of things we're not ready for. I need to be a whole lot more organized and a whole lot more positive about the situation. I moved a bit of furniture around today to get a better look at the whole situation, but the only thing that got me is frustrated about how much cleaning and organizing I should do with my free time. Meh meh meh. Still, I am grateful that there is a place with walls and a roof for me to put our belongings. That will always be good enough for me!
The Solo: Working on doing a song for church in the coming weeks. Any requests? I can't decide on what would be best.
The Runner: had a sort of personal record this weekend at the Depot Days 5k although it was not his fastest run to date. He did manage to win 2nd overall in the race though! And he still went pretty dang fast, even if he has run faster races before. I stood on the sidelines and felt tired, having been awake since 2:00 AM and whatnot. The kids ALSO ran a race that morning, and one of them enjoyed herself quite a bit. I think she might do it again one day. The other..well, let's just say he has a long time before he considers trying another one. All hope is not lost, though. We shall give him a year or two and perhaps try it again, maybe with a bit of practice this time. We need to have a real life talk about "saving his energy," which is the reason he claims that he never does any physical activity if he can avoid it. I think we will maybe all go to the park and point out that it actually helps to be active all the time, in order to have more energy for the saving. Sigh. It doesn't help that we live in a dog-infested neighborhood where any outside fun at all pretty much mandates a drive to the park. #nomoneynogas
Other than these particular items, we've had a very regular weekend! The kids' little half-brother, Hudson, came over to play twice because he misses out on all the weekend fun with them, and sometimes that is sad and they all miss each other. Luckily, that's something we are allowed to choose and schedule ourselves, because he is a five year old handful and not something we would be up for every weekend! However, he is pretty cute, and good to hang around every now and then.
Now, I must go and finish finding out what happens to Wesley in the Pits of Despaaaair
The dogs: have gone back to normal, praise the Lord. They have an appointment to discuss the future of their babymaking abilities, and in the meantime, we're playing it safe and locking them up separately at night.
The Princess Bride: has been on somewhat of a constant loop since we purchased it via Amazon Instant Video last night. It's on right now. I'm working on memorizing THE WHOLE THING weofuiaorigjao.
The Shrinkage of Space: is pretty high on the list of things we're not ready for. I need to be a whole lot more organized and a whole lot more positive about the situation. I moved a bit of furniture around today to get a better look at the whole situation, but the only thing that got me is frustrated about how much cleaning and organizing I should do with my free time. Meh meh meh. Still, I am grateful that there is a place with walls and a roof for me to put our belongings. That will always be good enough for me!
The Solo: Working on doing a song for church in the coming weeks. Any requests? I can't decide on what would be best.
The Runner: had a sort of personal record this weekend at the Depot Days 5k although it was not his fastest run to date. He did manage to win 2nd overall in the race though! And he still went pretty dang fast, even if he has run faster races before. I stood on the sidelines and felt tired, having been awake since 2:00 AM and whatnot. The kids ALSO ran a race that morning, and one of them enjoyed herself quite a bit. I think she might do it again one day. The other..well, let's just say he has a long time before he considers trying another one. All hope is not lost, though. We shall give him a year or two and perhaps try it again, maybe with a bit of practice this time. We need to have a real life talk about "saving his energy," which is the reason he claims that he never does any physical activity if he can avoid it. I think we will maybe all go to the park and point out that it actually helps to be active all the time, in order to have more energy for the saving. Sigh. It doesn't help that we live in a dog-infested neighborhood where any outside fun at all pretty much mandates a drive to the park. #nomoneynogas
Other than these particular items, we've had a very regular weekend! The kids' little half-brother, Hudson, came over to play twice because he misses out on all the weekend fun with them, and sometimes that is sad and they all miss each other. Luckily, that's something we are allowed to choose and schedule ourselves, because he is a five year old handful and not something we would be up for every weekend! However, he is pretty cute, and good to hang around every now and then.
Now, I must go and finish finding out what happens to Wesley in the Pits of Despaaaair
Thursday, September 18, 2014
More changes coming down the pipes
When 2014 began, I remember saying to Matthew that this would be a year full of changes and new experiences. Oh, how little did I realize the truth in that statement. It would be perfectly fine by me to just skip the next three months altogether and dive headfirst into 2015. I want to say it might be easier, or at least feel more purposeful. We will be motivated by settling things down and solidifying our place in this town instead of going through the motions until The Degree is finished. We will no longer be "newlyweds," but now just "regularlyweds," or uh..."oldlyweds." We might get to be on the same health insurance plan (most depressing life goal, like, ever), pay off a car (or at least get closer to it), and move out of this God forsaken building.
Got a little distracted, sorry. I wish this year could just quit already. So many things have arisen to be handled and sorted in the last week or so that I am surprised I'm still standing. It will all be kept fairly confidential in the next few months, but I hope sometime between now and Christmas to let my feelings be heard with a little more clarity (about all the things going on). In the meantime, watch this space.
Got a little distracted, sorry. I wish this year could just quit already. So many things have arisen to be handled and sorted in the last week or so that I am surprised I'm still standing. It will all be kept fairly confidential in the next few months, but I hope sometime between now and Christmas to let my feelings be heard with a little more clarity (about all the things going on). In the meantime, watch this space.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Ouch
My shoulder hurts so bad I can't breathe. I wish the Aleve commercials were a better depiction of reality.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
One of the eggheads
Today, after spending my usual 1 to infinity hours in Dr. Hill's office, I tagged along to an academic lecture on Thomas Aquinas being delivered by a UTM philosophy professor. And boy oh boy did I feel smart. Well, at least, the language Dr. Brown used wasn't way over my head, I followed the Q's in the Q&A session, and my attention span gave out around the same time as the two professors with whom I had come to the lecutre. We all three gave up on listening after being there for an hour and fifteen minutes and instead focused on attaining the refreshments in the back of the room.
All in all, it was a very successful afternoon. I was glad that I lollygagged around after class for long enough to catch the local nerds heading over to the lecture; otherwise, I would have missed out on the opportunity to feel like I could actually someday maybe be these peeps' intellectual equals. In fact, I will officially be on an equal playing field (Sort of, sans PhD and whatever) as these very egg-headed men in just 88 days. But who's counting? Today I told someone that the day after graduation, I will be coming up to the university with a sole purpose of calling every professor by his or her first name and not feeling weird about it. Except maybe Hill and Glass...might still feel weird about them, but at least my family's cool with referring to their family by first name and the two of them as Dr. Lastname.
In other news, my dogs may kill each other before they can ever successfully procreate. Skippy is the most hapless courtier I have ever met...could have something to do with being a chihuahua.
Sleep is taking over my brain, and I apologize if this is incoherent. I didn't want to leave my friends and family hanging, now that I'm reintroducing the regular blog posts.
All in all, it was a very successful afternoon. I was glad that I lollygagged around after class for long enough to catch the local nerds heading over to the lecture; otherwise, I would have missed out on the opportunity to feel like I could actually someday maybe be these peeps' intellectual equals. In fact, I will officially be on an equal playing field (Sort of, sans PhD and whatever) as these very egg-headed men in just 88 days. But who's counting? Today I told someone that the day after graduation, I will be coming up to the university with a sole purpose of calling every professor by his or her first name and not feeling weird about it. Except maybe Hill and Glass...might still feel weird about them, but at least my family's cool with referring to their family by first name and the two of them as Dr. Lastname.
In other news, my dogs may kill each other before they can ever successfully procreate. Skippy is the most hapless courtier I have ever met...could have something to do with being a chihuahua.
Sleep is taking over my brain, and I apologize if this is incoherent. I didn't want to leave my friends and family hanging, now that I'm reintroducing the regular blog posts.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Another tier of the Animal Kingdom
Or..."He and she, baby, ain't nothing but mammals, so..."
We love her very much. She can't wait to put her face on our faces as soon as we walk in the door, and she's even learning to walk on a leash (something that is completely unnecessary in our neck of the woods, but someday we could live elsewhere that has more call for leash walking). However, she's beginning to appear particularly desirable to our boy dog, Skippy, who is 6 years old and hasn't had a girlfriend in the two years that we've had him. Needless to say, his appetite for romance is fairly insatiable.
Matthew and I, the concerned parents, are about ready to lock them both out of the house and not let them in until they've sorted out their differences. Lilo is apparently still too young to realize her feminine prowess, so she just stares at Skippy like he has two heads every time he tries to get --ahem-- intimate. Lately it has begun escalating to retaliation; Lilo gets her teeth out and says, (in not as many words) "GET OFF OF ME YOU'RE GROSS AND OLD."
The blossoming relationship is amusing, though a little gross, to watch. It will only be permitted to last until we can get one or both of them to the doggie doctor for a little operation. Then, hopefully, things will settle down a little bit and we can go back to normal.
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