Weekend [Critter] Recap

"SO, Mary, what did you do this weekend?"

Killed bugs.

 And the point of this post is mostly to talk about the bugs, but I will not be able to leave it at that, oh no. Because when we returned to Matthew's house after his dad's birthday party on Saturday, there was also a possum outside of our house. We figured he was stealing Blue's food or trying to break into our trash. I don't have a picture because we all got inside as fast as possible and hoped it would go away. Success! We never saw it again. I'm guessing Blue and he scrapped outside, and Blue, being the most ferocious of kitty cats, probably beat him down and told him that's HIS trash, none available for you sir thank you.

You already saw these guys.

Large alive spider. And Payless Sperry knockoff.

Large dead spider and little guy who wanted to eat him.

 That was just the beginning. Luckily I had the Big Strong Man nearby for all the other critters that we found over the weekend.

Let's see, Thomas showed me the spider he killed with Daddy's flip flop early on Saturday. I was proud and told him he'd be good when the Big Strong Man isn't around. On Saturday morning Lara went to get into her purse that she uses to carry stuffed animals from place to place. No sooner had she picked out the yellow bunny she wanted then the purse flew across the room and Lara was screaming. I mean WAILING. She was so. Traumatized. We figured out why...a spider the same size as the one that freaked me out on Friday was crawling around inside of her purse, about to come eat her just as soon as she dared move that bunny. Didn't take a picture because Lara was just too terrified.

Then, come Sunday evening, I was getting ready to go to choir practice at church when I found this interesting specimen (actually, it should be plural. Specimens.) Here we have two enormous dead spiders caught in a spider web. I'm thinking this picture doesn't do justice to the real situation because you can't see the BEAST that killed them. It was about a third of the size of either enormo dead spider! It was tiny and, apparently, mighty! I wasn't scared or freaking out about that one...but I did take a picture and call Matt over to see it because I thought it was pretty impressive. That little guy must have been mighty poisonous to his friends Tweedlespider and Spiderdum!

And here we have this morning. I returned from my covert operation with Aunt Kerry Lee to find this in my bathroom...it actually appeared to already be dead, but just to be safe, I squashed its yellow-brown guts out with my hulking work boots. Those things make me invicible, as far as I've been able to tell.

So there you go. The house has been sprayed, and it rained really hard today. I'm hoping those two combined efforts will keep the animals a little further away from my bedroom than they have been lately!

On the subject of animals, here's a cat that decided the ideal hang out during a rain storm was on top of my car:

Of course, as soon as he saw me looking at him, he jumped right off the car to come see me. I was lucky I managed to get this picture before he was pawing at the door to come inside. He looked at me, like, "Can't you see it is monSOONing outside? Why would you be so cold hearted and keep me out here?" And I said back, "You lost all chance of me feeling sorry for you when you decided it was a good idea to sit on the car in the pouring rain."

Speaking of Blue, did you know Matthew and I give him a Russian accent whenever we talk for him? Which we do a lot of. Blue is very present whenever we're pretty much anywhere around the house. He's quite the feline. So we have a tendency to pretend he's taking part in our conversation...do you do that with your pets and/or nonverbal children? Matt and I are guilty guilty guilty. Baby Austin, Teri's new little guy, gets to say all kinds of interesting things vicariously through us. And Blue, the bobcat Russian blue, gets to do the very same, but his is with a Russian accent. Naturally.

And those crazy Russians, they just like to sit outside in the rain, I guess.

There ya have it folks!

See Y'all!

TFMM

Help Me.

This is an all call for any non-mamby pamby little girls named Shirley (read: myself) that aren't afraid of a wee little spider and can help me out here. Do you live near me? Do you know my phone number? Come here. Fix this terrible problem.

The bigger dilemma is - he knows he's been caught, so he moves a lot quicker. Those sly spiders. I first saw him when I was picking up shoes and putting them in the bucket beside the front door. Then he scuttled away under a rogue  shoe that was destined for buckethood...luckily, it was propped up on something that I could move with my toe from a safe distance away. So I could see it out in the open for a little while longer. Then, oh then, he disappeared.

Gone.

For a little while, and then I moved something else with my toe and he crawled out from under that. Now I am positive he is hiding behind this big hunk of wood that is leaning against the living room wall. I'm thinking I might leave him there. He might stay, get comfortable, go to sleep or something, so that Matthew can sneak attack him and I don't have to tell JUST FREAKING KIDDING HE'S WALKING ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR I'M GUNNA DIE.

Shoot man...he's about to walk into a closet, no he's not he passed the closet. He may be headed either into the kitchen or up a wall. Definitely on the move though, so I guess I won't be able to hide it from Thomas and Lara after all. I am going to have to kill it.

The legspan of this thing is probably about 2 inches. Will sucking it up in a vaccuum cleaner kill it? I could probably manage that. As long as he doesn't come crawling right back out all mad at me and ready to slay me with his eight legs.

Don't worry, I definitely did NOT get this close, I googled it . But I'm pretty sure this is what it is.  

I would give you my usual "See Y'all" but I might be dead before my next blog post. So...

See Y'all in Heaven in case I die before my next post!
TFMM



EDIT: THE DEED IS DONE. THE SPIDER IS SQUOOSHED. I WILL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY.

By the way, did I mention that this is actually the second massive spider of the day? I know I didn't so I'm going to tell you now - second one of the day in this crazy house. It's just I noticed it before the big strong man was out of earshot, so he killed it for me. But it seems they were buddies or something, decided to brave the Inside of Big House together. And now they have both suffered the consequences of that great journey. Take that, you two massive best friend spider thangs.

He went from this...

To this! Muahaha! I realized as I was snapping the picture that there is a seemingly alive, very small spider next to his dead remains. He didn't last past the flash of the camera.  My Payless knockoff Sperry loafer and I were invincible after slaying the first DRAGON. I mean SPIDER.

So there ya have it kids. Squoosh squoosh squoosh.

Isn't that word more fun that squish? Yes, yes it is.

Back to the 21st Century we Go!!

The internet's back on, the air conditioning is fixed. I mean, we are seriously living the dream now kids. To celebrate living that dream, I think I will go back to the dark ages and do some sewing. It only makes sense.

For those of you who read my last blog post and noticed the mention of fishing last weekend, here you go. I couldn't find them while I was writing the post, but they were hidden within the folds of my computer (Read: folders. Hardeehar)

Thomas' fish and very attractive father.

Lara's fish and very excited father.

Pretty flowers that Nanny picked for the young fishergirl.

Can't say that I have much more to write about, but I figured everyone would appreciate a little bit of T+L as usual.

Whatever is Wonderful Wednesday

Ignore the fact that I have probably failed to post this for the last 4 or 5 Wednesdays. I blame the internet. WHICH starts me off on my first most very wonderful thing that has ever happened to me ever:

1. The internet is back on, home skillets!!

This is how I felt yesterday when I finally sat down with the confidence that I could finish a blog post and a conversation with my brother without having to be interrupted by the worst internet ever. I asked the technician fellow what was wrong with it and he said, "What wasn't wrong with it is the better question." Apparently the wire going from our house to the nearby telephone pole was all sorts of beat up and had water in it and shorts in the wire. Well good! I like it when they can actually find a problem, not just keep fixing random things and "hoping it helps." But I am a little worried that someone took off their shorts on our property...;-)

2. It was Matthew's birthday and he is just the wunnerfullest. I sure do like him a lot. I think I may marry that guy. We both consume too much coffee for our young age, love Top Gear, and know all the words to a wide selection of Weird Al Yankovic songs. If that's not the ABC's for a happy marriage, then I don't know what is!

3. Need I say more? Well alrighty, I shall. On Sunday I got to be at church for like...4 hours. Which I kind of missed. When I get home on Sunday afternoon after morning service it's hard for me to not feel obligated to clean up the weekend messes from hanging out with T+L or work on the yard or something. (Or help Matt with the Datsun, since Sunday is normally his big day to do a good chunk of work on it) So it was sort of refreshing to know I could just go back to church at 4:00 PM this last week! I decided to try out choir practice, which is why I went back for an evening service which I do not normally attend. And I'm really glad I did! Between choir practice and evening service, they do Discipleship Training, which really goes back into the morning's sermon and picks it apart in a more scholarly fashion. I felt like I was actually learning the backstory of the sermon, which is pretty interesting to me. So I think I'll go again. Matt came with me and read a book during choir practice, and we stayed for the whole Discipleship Training and evening service. He said he liked it too, but I do feel bad that we would be taking such a huge chunk out of his day of rest/productivity if we made a regular thing out of it. :-) We'll see.

4.  I taught myself how to play Freecell while our internet was down, no big deal. :P

5. My wedding is in 1 month, 1 year, and 1 day. ^_^ Be there or be LAAAAAAAME, BRO.

Well there ya go!
See Y'all!
TFMM

Color Coordination Practice

I read somewhere in some ole book that you're supposed to encourage autonomy in children by letting them pick out their own outfits at an early age, among other things. This is super easy to do...a lot of the time. Except that one time when your brain slips and you give the little girl complete free reign over her wardrobe. Then she shows up in her choice of outfit.

And you realize it may have been a bit liberal to give her complete choice, and it's just so sad and cold-hearted to take her back to her bedroom and make her pick something else.

Disclaimer: She was actually picking out pajamas, so I didn't make her change. Because what do I care if her sleep clothes look like something out of a Dr. Seuss book? This did, however, happen in real life with Thomas...we were getting ready to go play one day on Spring Break, and he comes out in a dark green, horizontally striped tshirt, and electric blue and orange plaid shorts. That one had to go back under wraps. Luckily, the shorts were way too big for him so I didn't have to tell him straight up that he needs more color coordination practice.

How old were you when you started picking out your clothes? Husbands, how old were you when you stopped picking out your clothes? :-)

By the way, I looooove all your comments. HI-Larious, everyone. I miss you Pennsylvanians!

See Y'all!
TFMM

Celebrating Matthew

Hey All. There are a lot of updates I owe you. A lot of things have happened. Weather has changed, the kids have gotten taller, our internet is rubbish, Matthew got in a bike wreck, but I haven't the time for all those things. Here's what I need to talk about: my fiance is an old man. That's right I said it. He turned a whopping 24 years old on Saturday, right smack dab in between Earth Day and that other infamous holiday in which illegal things are done that of course I know nothing about because I've never known anybody that ever did anything illegal, especially drugs. I've just heard of the day from those rogue ne'erdowells over back in England, and of course, Amsterdam.

So what did we do? Well, since it wasn't on either day, we didn't take part in either festivities. No illegal substance consumed, no trees planted. We did, however, have a big ole day of fun-filled adventures!

Originally, the plan was to do some more fishing like we did last Saturday.

That wasn't an option, though, because the weather was disgustipating. So, instead, Matthew told me he wanted to run his first 5k in 8 months. Sure, why not? Mr. Muscles and the family all drove down to Dyer
School and stood out in the frigidity. Lara seems to be lacking a lot in coordination these days...when Matt picked her up from Granddaddy's house on Thursday, she had a huge gash on her leg from falling down the stairs. Then on Saturday she tripped at the 5k and got a bloody nose and skinned her knee, ripping her jeans. She hasn't quite figured out that when you're as delicate as a china doll, ya can't run around like a sumo wrestler. Oh well, it only looks a little bit like her father beats her, and I'm sure anyone that knows Matthew knows that's not the case.

So how did he do? 2nd in his age group, which I say is not half bad given his herniated disc and pinched nerve and he hasn't run at all since September. Not bad at all my friend, not bad. Although I have been keeping him in shape and on his toes since February when he started chasing me all over the place to try and tickle me. Apparently the squeals are cute, and by cute I think he means torturous and I'm not responsible for any injuries inflicted. I'm a pretty quick little whippersnapper, so he's got to be fast to keep up with me. I also always wear socks if I'm inside, so I can slip around the hardwood floors that he sticks to in bare feet. Mwahaha.

Aside from being 2nd in his age group, he also placed 24th overall. I told him I knew he would have gone faster if it wasn't his 24th birthday, but he decided to be cool and come in 24th in celebration of his age. In fact he counted all of the people in front of him to make sure that he was in exactly 24th place by the finish line. :) He's so clever.

Crossing the finish line!

Then we relaxed at Matthew's house for awhile, and gave him his birthday present from all of us - a big framed print of this:

That Lara is just a pretty lady isn't she?!

The rest of the afternoon was spent...asleep. Everybody fell asleep without meaning to, for two hours. This was great and refreshing, except that I was the first one to wake up and look at the clock. That mean ole clock told us we only had about 10 minutes to get ready before we had to leave for a birthday grill out in honor of Teri (Matt's sister whose birthday was last week) and Matt. So Matt jumped in the shower (still gross and sticky from the 5k, bleck) and the kids got socks and shoes on and we headed out for an evening of fun and festivities!! And cupcakes. A huge number of cupcakes. Toni (Matthew's other sister) made beautiful vanilla cuppycakes with blue frosting and sprinkles, super cute. And I went crazy on the chocolate route and made Nutella-filled cupcakes with Nutella frosting, and Mocha cupcakes with chocolate frosting. We all felt a bit dead after the dessert course.

After a grand ole evening of hot dogs, burger, spicy sausages, and mac n' cheese...and cupcakes o' course, we all headed home serenaded by Silly Songs with Larry and put the kids to bed.

And now the internet seems to be fixed! Yippie kie yay!

Still don't have a real job apart from subbing. If anyone wants to help me out here, I would appreciate it! I need a regular paycheck!

See Y'all!
TFMM

That Reminds Me...

This email I received as part of a devotional reminded me very much of a group of people that thought women were responsible for controlling the weak minds of men by dressing in potato sacks and jean skirts. This post has zero personal updates in it, but I thought some of you that may know a bit about the group to which I'm referring would find it interesting. :-)

The guy is never really blamed. It’s the two women trying to sort out (to put it nicely) which of them were in the wrong. Makes sense. A guy can hardly be held responsible for following his sex drive, right?

The truth is, I fall into that line of thinking pretty easily. If I’m staring at a girl’s legs, then I blame her for buying such short skirts. If I’m staring at a billboard, then I blame the American marketing industry. Pornography, the degradation of family values, etc., etc…  And I, crippled as I am with a hyperactive sex drive, can’t be expected to take responsibility for my thoughts and eyes.

But then, I’m told in 1 Corinthians 10:13 that “the temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out, so that you can endure.”

Sure, women need to be aware that their bodies are special and modesty is important. And, of course, the sexualization of the advertising industry is a concern. But I can’t use those as scapegoats for my own flaws either, or I’m saying God hasn’t been faithful. When I own up to my faults, then I’m actually saying, “God, you’re always faithful. The mistakes are mine.  Show me the way out.” And that, I think, is glorifying God in all circumstances.  

See Y'all!
TFMM

PS I have Internet again! It is coming up on the very witching hour when it normally goes out every day, so we'll see what happens in the next 40-60 minutes! Keep a look out for the avalanche of blog posts that will be coming out of my lack of internet for more than a week!

Easter Eggscapades

I promise you I have an excuse! Don't be angry with me! In the last ten days, our internet has been super shoddy - apparently it's supposed to be fixed now! Yay! Also, it was this big important holiday, so we were a little caught up in family visits and festivities. The kids had three or four Easter egg hunts I think! Even right now I'm a bit distracted because it's Spring Break for Thomas and Lara and we're hanging out all day while Daddy's at work. After this episode of Veggietales is over we all have to get dressed and clean and ready for our day!

On Easter Saturday we went over to the church for all kinds of awesome kids' activities. Firstly there was pizza, which had Matthew and me sold automatically of course. After pizza the kids all decorated cookies with icing and sprinkles and M&Ms and jelly beans...all at the same time in Lara's case.

And none of the above in Thomas' case.

Then we got to work hunting some eggs!

Lara after her age group's successful hunt!

Carson with his football basket bursting at the seams!

Thomas checking out his spoils!

Unfortunately, we didn't get to spend Easter Sunday with the chillin's, so we did lowkey Easter baskets on Saturday instead. We skipped dying eggs as well. On Sunday we went to a sunrise service and spent the rest of the day working on the car and spending time with our matchmakers/best friends/cousins at Aunt Regina and Uncle Bubba's house. More on that later. Veggietales is over!!

See Y'all!

TFMM

The Next Wonderful Weekend Recap Taking Place on a Tuesday

I'm really doing poorly at this. I have an excuse. The internet in Dyer, TN is humiliatingly pathetic. Today I took the plunge and drove to the library to use the internet. We have an interesting routine in the house these days -  the internet working until about 10:00 AM (at which point I am starting my day and normally have already done the basic internet check-up and have started chores) and from then on out not working until about 7:00 or 8:00 PM. Makes it difficult to get much blogging done...because the motivation that comes from waiting for laundry to be done or taking a lunch break from chores/shopping/exercising fizzles by the time the internet comes back on. The root of the problem will hopefully be found in the next few weeks. Until then, it's the library for me, or late night blogs.

What have I been up to? Just chillaxin'. Wait no that's false. The last time I posted was Tuesday of last week, so guess what was wonderful about the rest of the week?

1. Wednesday: I subbed.
2. Thursday: I subbed.
3. Friday: I subbed.

Oh heck yes I did. 4th grade, Computer Lab, and Kindergarten in that order. Computer Lab was unbelievably easy, like mind-numbingly so. 4th grade was mega fun because the kids are young enough to have fun with and impress with stupid things (they really loved my wealth of knowledge about the Motherland, and also the accent that comes with it) but old enough to trust that they won't be misinformed about school procedures. I felt I could actually believe them when the entire class told me "This is what we do on this page," or someone volunteered to show me how to turn on some random hunk of technology that I didn't understand. By the way, Smart Boards or whatever you want to call them? We did have them in high school, and college (proving I'm not just an old-fashioned outdated technophobe), and I still don't like them. My nice handwriting doesn't look as nice on a smartboard, and there are numerous other reasons why I think the technology should be more finely tuned before being supplied to every teacher in an elementary school. Sigh. Perhaps if I work there longer they will begin to seem like a necessity to me.

Anyway! My subbing career is going swimmingly, and I plan to take a second job to round out the end of the school year/see me through the summer. It is further affirming my decision to teach upper grade levels, as the hardest ones for me to get through the days have been my 2nd grade and kindergarten classes. Big kids are easier to get through to, and I like being presented with problems that need real problem-solving skills to resolve. "He stole my crayon," vs. "I need help with long division" is not a difficult choice for me.

Let's see, what did I do over the weekend of note. We played outside a lotttt. On Saturday we used a water hose, shovels, and fingers to play in the mud, which was lots of fun for all four of us. And, because plain old mudpies aren't sophisticated enough for my fiance, he also got the kids a gift of a windowsill garden where we're growing radishes, carrots, and onions. We'll see how the growth goes! My first downfall is I don't know what dry soil looks like and am certain I'm going to overwater the plants. It's great that I have to take responsibility for it because I'm home most! I don't want to kill Thomas and Lara's science project! Haha say a little prayer for meeeee.

Photosynthesis for Five Year Olds

The less sophisticated dirt playing...it got more sophisticated than this though! We had a dam and two ponds connected by a river by the end of the day. Matthew likes aquaducts.

Playing with the Cool New Stuff Box! Chalk and books galore!

Just a pretty picture of Lara with no particular purpose.

We also wrote on the windows with window markers, played with sidewalk chalk, and watched Veggietales (the kids are obsessed. Matthew and I now know all the words to all the silly songs. There are worse things.) and went to Dyersburg to do some shopping and pick up tools so Matt could work on his car.

On Sunday after church, Matt and I did the same thing as the day before, sans kids. Well sorta. I washed the car, instead of playing in the mud. Little progress was made because I got tired and dinner needed to be started. Matt took me out on a date on his back porch. We had the most delicious food in the whole wide world, probably because we were so hungry and we had both contributed to the cooking which made us feel both productive and grateful to the other person. Andddd we went to Dyersburg again (we just so love it there) to dump trash in the dumpster and buy things needed for next Sunday.

So my weekend was pretty tame. I don't even have crazy stories to give ya! I hope this will keep you entertained for the next 24 hours while I accumulate some wonderfulness to send your way. Namely the fact that it is Spring Break, meaning I actually have time and energy to write a blog and think about topics for posting. Don't worry friends, I won't go anywhere. I have plenty of pent-up extroversion not being put to use by having no friends in Tennessee and Matt working until bumblefudge at night. Speaking of which, I think I'll probably get to see him in about 45 minutes! So I'd better go. Have a wonderful and blessed Good Friday, Easter, all that, on the off chance that you read my post today and don't return for another week!

See Y'all!
TFMM