Help Me.

This is an all call for any non-mamby pamby little girls named Shirley (read: myself) that aren't afraid of a wee little spider and can help me out here. Do you live near me? Do you know my phone number? Come here. Fix this terrible problem.

The bigger dilemma is - he knows he's been caught, so he moves a lot quicker. Those sly spiders. I first saw him when I was picking up shoes and putting them in the bucket beside the front door. Then he scuttled away under a rogue  shoe that was destined for buckethood...luckily, it was propped up on something that I could move with my toe from a safe distance away. So I could see it out in the open for a little while longer. Then, oh then, he disappeared.

Gone.

For a little while, and then I moved something else with my toe and he crawled out from under that. Now I am positive he is hiding behind this big hunk of wood that is leaning against the living room wall. I'm thinking I might leave him there. He might stay, get comfortable, go to sleep or something, so that Matthew can sneak attack him and I don't have to tell JUST FREAKING KIDDING HE'S WALKING ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR I'M GUNNA DIE.

Shoot man...he's about to walk into a closet, no he's not he passed the closet. He may be headed either into the kitchen or up a wall. Definitely on the move though, so I guess I won't be able to hide it from Thomas and Lara after all. I am going to have to kill it.

The legspan of this thing is probably about 2 inches. Will sucking it up in a vaccuum cleaner kill it? I could probably manage that. As long as he doesn't come crawling right back out all mad at me and ready to slay me with his eight legs.

Don't worry, I definitely did NOT get this close, I googled it . But I'm pretty sure this is what it is.  

I would give you my usual "See Y'all" but I might be dead before my next blog post. So...

See Y'all in Heaven in case I die before my next post!
TFMM



EDIT: THE DEED IS DONE. THE SPIDER IS SQUOOSHED. I WILL LIVE TO SEE ANOTHER DAY.

By the way, did I mention that this is actually the second massive spider of the day? I know I didn't so I'm going to tell you now - second one of the day in this crazy house. It's just I noticed it before the big strong man was out of earshot, so he killed it for me. But it seems they were buddies or something, decided to brave the Inside of Big House together. And now they have both suffered the consequences of that great journey. Take that, you two massive best friend spider thangs.

He went from this...

To this! Muahaha! I realized as I was snapping the picture that there is a seemingly alive, very small spider next to his dead remains. He didn't last past the flash of the camera.  My Payless knockoff Sperry loafer and I were invincible after slaying the first DRAGON. I mean SPIDER.

So there ya have it kids. Squoosh squoosh squoosh.

Isn't that word more fun that squish? Yes, yes it is.