Anger

Today I received some news that made me so angry and that I can't really do anything to improve or change. It's one of those things that really feels like a punch in the gut even though I know the person responsible does not, in fact, have a vendetta against me (well, not that I know of). One of those things where I am furious at someone even though I know they did nothing wrong or even anything with any intention of hurting someone.

But I feel hurt. I feel as if years of my life are going to be spent wishing and waiting for something that comes without even trying to millions of other people. I feel like someone is rubbing my face in the fact that I'm not part of an elite club that actually 85% of the population is supposed to be allowed to join. I feel angry because it's not my fault; in fact, it's specifically the fault of someone else.

The worst part of this is that I know I have no choice but to swallow my anger and move on because it's not my fault, but it's not really anyone else's fault either. It's just life. It's just how things are going to be. And I'm going to get used to life in this tasking new way. And every time I look back on this day, I'll probably feel kind of angry and then tell myself that anger doesn't help anything. Anger just is.

If someone had to ask me what my greatest trial in life is, this might be it. I might have to go with this one. Ask me again in forty years.